Not fair!
Asda were offering ‘flu jabs for £12 in October. I fully intended to get one but October turned out to be more of a Sainsbury’s month. The last 4 days haven’t been nice, I’m not saying I have Turbo ‘flu, you know, the one where you would shoot yourself if you had the strength to pick up a gun, but I have had everything that the back of the Beechams Flu Plus packet describes:
For those of you squinting it’s; fever, aches & pains, sinus pain, blocked nose, headache.
The only thing there that’s slightly inaccurate is the blocked nose. I wish it was blocked but everyday my left nostril streams more mucus than could fill the empty space in the Manchester City Trophy Room. It’s phenomenal, if I stood at the top of Ayres Rock within 8 minutes it would look like a giant iced cake. I have resorted to what everybody resorts to, in private, when they have this problem and that is to shove bits of tissue up my nose and cover the entire flat in olbas oil. I think I’m on the mend now but the annoying thing is that they tell you to take in loads of vitamin C to prevent illnesses like this and I’ve been eating more fruit than an elephant over the last week. I think the person that tells you this is the same person conning us about Australia’s climate. Fucker.
I played football for the first time in 3 months on Tuesday. It could have been worse but for the fact that it was the first game after the holidays so everyone was generally a bit lethargic. It was reasonably relaxed but as the scores were close the pace was upped towards the end, I think this is where the manflu came from.
We’ve seen two nurseries this week. There’s one we quite like and are having another nose around this week during office hours, it’s a confidential sale so we’re not even supposed to let the staff know. We therefore have to go under the guise of parents, which we’re getting quite good at. The other nursery was the kind of place you’d put your kids in if you REALLY hated them. the building was crap, the facilities were crap, the staff had serious acne issues, the kids are all from Ordsall and it made bugger all money. I just hope I left traces of my manflu there.
This week has seemingly been dominated by chickens. Channel 4 are doing this Big Food Fight thing that has really funny trailers but then sort of serious programmes. It started with that chef on the adverts that you don’t know, the posh one. It turns out his name is Hugh Fothery-Whatshisname. Anyway, he did a thing called Hugh’s Chicken Run where he was trying to draw attention to the conditions that intensively farmed chickens live in. He says he tried to get access to many of the chicken farms in the UK but got knocked back everytime so he built his own. Two days later that speech impaired Essex minor celebrity..
We’ll take a break here. I was struggling to find the exact words I could use to describe my feelings for ‘national treasure’ Jaimie Oliver so I let Google do the thinking for me. I came across this on a dedicated ranting website called justramit.com:
I hate Jamie Oliver, I have many many reasons, and there isn’t enough space on the web for me to log them all.
His smarmy TV show , “pucka this, pucka that” , his adverts for Sainsburys, his mock cockney wanker accent – his SCOOTER, the fact that he has all his mates round to his fashionably distressed loft apartment for tapas and weak lager, “oh look he’s got a Chinese friend and a black friend and a martian friend and they all look like male models “.
However recently I have noticed a worrying trend from friends and random idiots that since he did his last show , Jamies arsewipe , or whatever that it shows he’s “alright really”, “he had a really hard time trying to get those underprivileged kids to cook you know”.
SO
don’t give me that, there is not a chance I’m letting that tosser off the hook, so what if he helped kids , so what if he used his own money, it’s money he conned out of gullible twats like you.
I don’t want young offenders cooking my dinner , same as don’t want them in my house or removing my spleen.
If he’d taken 15 young offenders, let them kick him senseless while shouting “Pucka” and then stolen his crash helmet all on Television for my enjoyment then maybe just maybe I’d consider it but he didn’t he set up “Jamie’s kitchen” , WELL RAM IT – young offenders and deprived children should be locked up and given freezing showers until they get over it, not given catering training from a greasy haired millionaire fuckwit. I cannot express the ways Jamie Oliver needs to ram it.
This pretty much sums up the feelings I have for Jamie Oliver.
Anyway – two days after Hugh Forgetful-Worthless did his show, Jaimie well and truly showed him up by doing exactly the same thing only this time the fat-tounged bumhole managed to get access to all the chicken farms he needed, no doubt because of his higher fame-status. So not only did this make Hugh’s show seem a bit pointless but Jaimie INVITED Hugh onto the ‘live’ part of the show. That’s really good nose-rubbing!
Anyway, after a week of chickens I found myself in Sainsbury’s today and sure enough the shelves were depleted of the expensive chickens and full of the cheap ones. Whether it’s just a fad or not remains to be seen but I am one of the ones who has been conned into paying an extra quid for chicken.
I know chickens worry you Paul because you don’t know where they all come from. I found out this week through my intensive chicken viewing that 855 million chickens are produced each year for food in the UK. That’s amazing! Try and imagine 855 million chickens! Rocky would struggle to catch all of them.
That’s sort of all that’s happened this week. It’s Saturday night and the lurgy has kept me in, good news for Karen as she’s in work all weekend and knows she wont be hungover. I’m watching the Green Bay v Seahawks play off and it looks like Seattle will be going out. More importantly it’s dumping down with snow in Green Bay and I’m jealous. I’m also exchanging MSN messages with Foe who’s smashed after drinking tequila on his own. That being said, match of the Day was excellent as United wer
e awesome today hammering Newcastle 6-0. big Sam must be wetting himself whilst counting his £2m payoff.
Finally for tonight, after branching out what I look at on the internet I came across this beauty. I don’t know who’s responsible for it but there appears to be a few like it. Enjoy:
