Welcome to America! The land of the free-ish.
Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage… or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany?
This is the question that you are faced with on form I-94W, the form that you are obliged to fill in before entering US&A. Now, assuming that anybody who committed such an offence would have had to have been at least 25 years old in 1945 then such a person would not have been one of the 7,500,000 Germans killed in the war and would now be at least 92 years old. Surely there are more threatening types of people to target and ask some searching questions. I mean, forgive me if I’m not up to speed on the latest developments in anti-ageing cream but do I look like I could be a 92 year old Nazi war criminal?
So these are the kind of things that remind you what an ordeal it can be getting into the Land of the Free. I remember when we went to Breckenridge and went through immigration in Atlanta. I helpfully pointed out in a totally non-sarcastic way that the bouncer on the door to America had the date in his stamp wrong. He told me off for being cheeky. So, not only does America have ridiculous immigration policies, it has brainless people on the door. To top it off they give these thugs a gun.
So, Pezza and I were eagerly anticipating the searching questions and general feeling of not being welcome but we did find the lady in immigration to be astonishingly pleasant. Once she had seen that we had been to the UAE on our travels she merely asked how long we were there for, took our fingerprints and smiled before letting us go on our way. I had always assumed that the Americans thought that as I had been to the UAE and was European that I was one of these young radicalised Muslim extremists combined with being a 92 year old Nazi war criminal and we would be subjected to a full cavity search. We were pleasantly surprised.
Once they have established that you are not a 92 year old etc etc you are reminded about what the Americans do that surpasses everything else in the world – hospitality. If you can manage to avoid being asked, “D’ya wan extra cheeeese w/ thaaat.” then you are in the clear. (Why can’t they write ‘with’?)
We have just checked into our hotel and I am very confused with the fact that I woke up at 9am this morning, pottered about in Sydney for 7 hours, made my way to the airport, took a 10 hour flight, got to my new hotel 21 hours after getting up and it is still only 9am in the morning on the same day. That being said you simply can’t top the Americans for looking after you. No room ready so we get ushered into a lovely little room with showers, this computer, refreshments and, quite simply, the best thing in the world…. a heated toilet seat that you know has not been sat on by a 92 year old Nazi war criminal.
Gawd Bless America!
xxx
